The Hustle

Feb 07, 09 The Hustle

Now let’s get this straight… I am a writer. But first and foremost… I’m a hustler.  My nature is to find a way to use my talents to make a dollar.  The dichotomy that is the Saturday man is that I’m not always motivated by conventional jobs.  I hate offices and closed in spaces.  I don’t really care for manual labor.  There’s hardly ever a market for the kind of jobs I’m looking for, so I got to grind; hence pizza delivery.

Pizza delivery is no glamorous job.  I detest the uniform and look for any chance I can get to take off that stupid Domino’s hat in favor of my preferred Nike sports cap.  When closing there are some custodial duties that come along with the job like cleaning the store, washing dishes etc.  But all in all Pizza delivery is by far one of the favorite three jobs I’ve ever had.  For the most part you spend a lot of time in your car by away from managers, and other authority figures looking to keep you on task i.e. aggravate you.

My work playlist is entirely of my choosing as I have to share my space with no one else.  And the area I deliver in encompasses A.) New Orleans Central business district (hotel tippers.)  B.) World famous St. Charles which is where rich people (big tippers) live.  C.) St. Charles which is the common link parade route during Mardi Gras.  Mardi Gras season is a big money maker for anyone with a little hustle in their blood.  You come into contact with more tourists, which usually have lots of expendable income to buy your pizzas.  This is beneficial if you’re selling pizzas for the store which pays commission or whether you’re like me and occasionally secure an extra pizza that was made wrong or a duplicate that the store doesn’t account for.  But let’s just be real here….  It’s not at all occasional. The store is usually pretty hectic around this time so duplicate pizzas flourish in this environment.  And necessarily so do my pockets.  If you sell 4 “extra” pizzas a day, which is a fair estimate, at ten bucks a pop, that’s wage plus tips, plus a forty dollar bonus just for being crafty. And I value myself as a very skilled craftsmen (or extortionist… semantics).

While we’re being so upfront, this definitely does not fit into the confines of my job description.  Domino’s policy is to keep and discard all duplicate pizzas.  I don’t subscribe to Domino’s particular belief of duplicate pizzas.  I don’t believe in wasting food, and I DEFINITELY don’t believe in wasting money.  I could see why the policy is in place.  Every pizza I sell is one less customer buying their pizzas, as well as the motivation to “accidentally duplicate” a pizza for personal gain.  And I don’t begrudge them that.

But here’s the other thing, Domino’s gets plenty of money.  They no longer deliver free; there’s a two dollar tax for delivery, which doesn’t go to those who are delivering.  The rate of money I get for mileage constantly fluctuates with the gas prices.  But the two dollars they are now stealing from customers always stays the same.  And then customers are wondering why their pizzas cost so much and they want answers from the messenger.  Of which I’m always upfront and honest.
“Domino’s hates you!”

I get paid just over 6 dollars an hour and even though I make a pretty good amount in tips my total wage still comes out to around 15 bucks an hour.  This isn’t bad for a job that doesn’t make me crazy.  But then you also have to factor in that I’m kind of a walking target for people looking to come up.  I’m a little swift on my toes to get caught up in any bad situations for the most part, but that doesn’t mean the threat isn’t still there.  So if I have to take a little extra to compensate for not always feeling particularly safe then I’m not going to beat myself up over it.  Anyway… that being said Mardi Gras season begins promptly.  So your humble narrator is off to the hustle.  I’m sure I’ll have some interesting story to tell you about my delivery capers this week.  If not, I’ll get into detail on how to make a little extra and get over on the man while delivering pizza!  Stay tuned.


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  1. S. Tae Lauder /

    Has this movie already been made? If not, you should probably consider selling your manuscript to Hollywood. “The Pizza Man” starring Will Ferrell or Adam Sandler can probably make you even MORE money.

    Pizzarias are recession-proof it seems. I, personally, hadn’t heard any news of Domino’s going under so you have some security in your hustle.

  2. A. New Leaf /

    This was an interesting blog. Its true in these times that we have to get creative with our hustle. I babysit and do taxes on the side to make extra. I look forward to hearing more about the life and times of a pizza delivery man 🙂

  3. im diggin the aritcle G.
    we artists.. definately have to get crafty when it comes to making our money.
    i freelance design for a living (having been fired from a community center) dont ask.
    neway. s tae lauder… i might need my taxes done soon.. contact???

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